Hey Body!... It's Me, Your "BFB"

Dear Body,

Hey there!... It's me, your Big Fat Belly.  It's been quite sometime since we've connected, but I wanted to give you a friendly "Hello, and Happy New Year".  In case you've forgotten (which I'm sure you haven't, cuz I'm still very well intact), it's me, your Big Fat Belly.  Some people like to call me "BFB" for short, not to be confused with "BFF."  We are two very different entities.

So I know that it's been a great year for the both of us and I wanted to thank you for nourishing me so throughout the year, and allowing me the chance to grow to never-before-seen proportions.  I don't know if it was the late night fun bags from McDonald's, or the crispy KFC buckets, but these stretch marks you've added to me are tremendous.  I feel like I've got gills on my sides.  I mean, I know that we evolved from fish and all, and old trends always seem to come back (think bell bottoms, retro sneakers, and yes, that's right, MC Hammer pants), but I think that these stretch marks really give me the long-lasting character that I've been searching for!

And to think that just 1 year ago, I was only 32 inches around, and today I hang out at a fantastic 41 inches!  I'd like to take some credit, but I just can't do it in good faith.  I mean, you ate all those garlic parmesan chicken wings on NFL Sundays, and you polished off those countless bags of Doritos.  Two donuts from Dunkin Donuts every Monday and Friday... that's all you, Dogg!  Heck, you even went above and beyond the call of duty and ate an entire pumpkin pie over the Thanksgiving holiday.  Now that's dedication!  That's how I know that you love me.  You're a special person, and I just can't take any of the credit.

At one point, I was worried that you were going to start up those killer, high-intensity workouts after we quit them in the last week of January, but you held strong!  We stayed the course and now I'm a force to be reckoned with!  Hell Yeah!  That's what I'm talking about!

Anyway, I'm hoping that 2010 can be something like 2009.  It was a killer year, literally.  If we have a couple more like that last one, maybe we can get that annoying thumping in your chest above me to finally stop.  Do you know how difficult it is to concentrate on sucking the grease out of a hot wing when all you hear, night and day, is "thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump."  Know what I mean?

And whatever you do, please don't get in touch with that guy Corey House.  I'm feeling pretty confident that my size and shape will keep you out of the gym, but this guy Corey scares me.  He comes to people's homes, talks to them about their feelings (whaaa! whaaa! whaaa!), and creates this kick ass workout plan that has destroyed some of my buddies.  I haven't seen Mr. Manboobs, Sally Saddlebags, or Bobby Backfat in forever!

I'm not even going to tell you that his website is www.coreyhousetraining.com, or that he can be reached via telephone too.  That would just kill me!

Happy New Year, Body!

Don't Be the Victim

Do you feel like your job, or your life, just happens to you?  Do you feel like, good or bad, things just happen?  If you're part of the millions of people that go to their job, clock in, get the necessary work done, clock out, and then go home... then you're probably someone who things happen to.

The same goes for your personal health.  Have you ever gotten out of the shower, dried yourself off, and taken a look in the mirror only to say to yourself, "what the hell happened to me?!?"  Your belly is protruding, your chest hangs a little lower than nature intended, and you just look out of proportion.  Quite often, this is what happens to the person that stands dormant and lets things happen to him or her.

The alternative to this situation is to stop being and start doing.  If you're a being, then life is going to continue to happen.  You may lose your job, you may get a new job, your may win the lottery, and unfortunately, you may be diagnosed with a life-threatening disease.  These are all things that happen.

So instead of continuing to let things happen to you, stop being and start doing.  Make forward, positive change.  Inflict happiness on someone each day.  Don't be afraid to fail.  Step out of your comfort zone and do something that you ordinarily wouldn't do.  Take risk.  Experience success.  Let 2010 be a year where you do things that will influence your entire world.

Greatness doesn't just happen.  Shit happens.  Do in 2010.  And never look back.